How do you not get sick of me?

so im sitting here in class catching up on emails and getting back to people.....
it seems to be such a constant thing that im soooo bad at doing.
it feels like forever since ive written people on how im doing when really its been like a few weeks.
why does life just seem to contain so much, yet take so much as well?
i feel like im always in the middle of something! that there always is someplace where i feel that i need to voice something..... don't get me wrong tho, i love being able to share out of experience or what i feel God telling me to say!

I was out walking the other morning again and i knew i had a worship session in like an hour... but i was so run down!
i felt like id poured out so much yet didn't really have anything left for myself. I started just crying out to God cause i had no one else to share this with...... i was secretly hoping that he would put on someones heart to come and share with me or encourage me or something in the worship session! but God doesn't always work the way i want him to.... he likes to challenge us, stretch our faith, blow us out of the water in a new way when we least expect it, or want it... we want things simple and "now"

during worship i quickly realized "what the heck am i thinking" why did i suddenly feel the need for others to fulfill me when really, how much more encouragement and fulfillment can God give me! i started to read the bible and the words came to life and i was immediately oblivious to everything around me, nothing else in the world mattered right now. God knew my heart, the way i felt, the things i was going thru and oh how i felt so stupid for entertaining thoughts like this. Kind of like that feeling like, when you really like a girl and you say something so stupid that you think she will just write you off because of!
girls, do you get those feelings too? i doubt it, you are all too perfect... i mean it, really.

Oh God im grateful that you are patient, cause i am not!
i want to learn.

Starbucks!

umm so... im procrastinating to no end on a bunch of work i have to get done, sipping at my so highly valued cup of starbucks!
you see there is no means of getting starbucks here unless i somehow am given it, which is pretty regularly cause there are so many Americans around me, so im thankful.
im in such a need of coffee today cause, honestly i slept really bad last night.
I woke up no less than 4 or 5 times with my heart racing and my mind running with thoughts and excitement of just what God is doing in my life.



it was probably the weirdest thing thats happened this year to me, every time i woke up God was stirring my heart for so many things. My heart to worship and what God is wanting to do with it, my heart for the kids that i seem to hang out with every day that are constantly up and down with just their whole life, and just dont seem to ever change.
So much stuff........... even to getting a random passion to see Kids and the church just get rid of porn and lust and all the crap thats around today.
it is all so strange! i mean yeah its stinking cool that God is finally showing me so much stuff... or should i say im finally at a place to listen! but i wonder why he woke me up to say it.... would i have listened if he didnt! I kind of want him to do it again.... just to see if it was real!
but now what to do with it.........?

the great fires

Am i really burning?
i want to ignite fires, fuel flames and ruin lives for the ordinary.
i want to see this generation become a driving force that inspires and fuels Gods spirit to move like none other. I have heard, in the last couple of weeks countless times about some movement back in the 60s or 70s that radically changed the church and christians.. thats sweet. But what the heck!! why do we sit in the headspace that that was back in "the good ole days" im sick of hearing this to be honest.
why dont we start some fires again! i mean for real.... ones that are talked about for years to come ones that change this world, that change our lives!!
this burning desire is making me nervous, making me shaky....
who's with me?

Mornings!

I hate mornings.. im going to be honest with you right now! well i hate the first 10 minutes getting up part.... im not going to lie it usually turns into around an hour because i keep hitting snooze on my phone.
ive been trying to get up around 6.30 the last couple of weeks.. and what a task its turned out to be!
trying to force routine into life is stinking hard.

This morning i did it tho! well... sort of. i hit snooze twice. but i still made it out before 7 so im proud of myself.
I was out and the sun was shining. the weather is starting to warm up here but i still had jeans on just in case!
I was walking and just talking with God and giving up parts of me i didn't want to! giving him the things im worrying about as we do.



This was the second day ive been out to this park! its nice at 7 in the morning.... crisp.... Yesteday i was there and God prompted me to go out to the middle of the field and just yell..... well.. he told me too.
I questioned this for like 15 minutes... why is it so hard to get over ourselves?

After a good time fighting with God about making a fool of myself i yelled it as quickly and as loudly as i could! JESUS.. in my head that was it i was out of there.
I probably woke up the whole neighborhood. sorry.

So this morning i made the mistake of going there again... to be honest i half expected it to happen again, and without fail. "do it again David"
I didn't fight as much this time.. i still didn't really want to do it tho.
"I want you God" and again "I want you God".
The old guy taking his morning walk is over at the clubhouse is thinking the world is ending "what are kids into these days?" i imaging him saying. ha.
but this kid is getting desperate!! this kid is getting real!

Psalm 34 David says that those who look to God radiate!! they are never covered with shame.
what was i ashamed of? why did i fight giving up myself?
I remember someone saying once that David in the bible had to sometimes just yell "wake up soul" to get over himself and into a deeper level with his relationship with God.
if this is what it takes... im in!

im over me!



in other news im starting writing a lot more for the ep im trying to get out.
its looking to be just a bunch of sweet relevent worship songs and a few love songs thrown in.
im playing around at home just recording some demo's for it all.. picking it apart.. putting it back together again.
we'll see how it goes! i really feel it to be just purely a ministry tool and a stepping stone to telling kids about God and encouraging them to dig deeper with him.
you can pray for me if you ever feel the need!

us.

we burn with passion. we fight with fear! so what if we wear tight pants and plugs in our ears! we are a generation of warriors, out to overcome and stand for truth and love. Nothing can deter us or turn us from the fire we long to have in our hearts!
we fall face down with faces full of tears. They judge us because we dont have the years of knowledge that they have on us, but we are pure! not only that, we are of one mission, one statement, one Goal.. to see his love known! and felt, and shown, to all generations not just our own. we are single, bi-lingual, sometimes double.... but sometimes not!... but secretly we all long to be, to have, to belong... to someone other than us.
we fight, we party and we love despite what they say, we know the way.. and we follow it with all we are.
we have one father, one leader, one saviour! yeah sometimes we use christian words, sometimes we dont! we have no religion, yet our heart follows one God.
we're not out to fight against but to fight for!
fight for those who are hungry, those who are tired, the sick, the lowly, the least of us! and the greatest to be honest
this is who we are... no matter where, what, when or how freeking far it will take us away from comfort and things we desire, we will go.
sometimes we swear, but the purest intentions and hearts we bear!
we are young and not afraid.... of anything, because we have an unshakeable faith.
That he is God, and we will follow.... always!



Ive been playing a ton of worship as of late. I am just sitting back and watching in amazement at how God is constantly bringing a fresh Revelation of what it means to worship, to me!
I remember a converstation i had with Ben from the Glorious unseen about it a while back, and he said
"yeah we're playing the same songs but when you really get in the worship spirit it feels new and fresh... It's so exciting to bring this new worship vibe to people who haven't encountered it before".
this is pretty much my revelation in a sentence! ha.
there is more.. but its a constant thing.

The voice in my head

ha.. we desire so much as young people.
seriously.. think about it for a second! i can count at least five things right now at this point that i truly desire.
To be honest, there a probably only 5 that have been a constant. The rest just come and go.

Im not going to get all preachy and religious....because that isn't my heart.

what does it mean to really desire something... i mean i desire a sweet new acoustic guitar and have done for the last little bit.... i desire to be a kid and go jump on a trampoline again!.... on the other hand, i desire a wife.... i desire love... i desire to live bigger, run, harder, Grow closer to God.
the lines are getting blurry.

at what point do i let go.... and just be, just trust, just wait.

the bible mentions a few times that as we grow closer to gods heart the desires of our heart also become his. and the other way round... when we do his desires become ours..

i woke up this morning super early for this reason.
I had decided to spend some time waiting on God about this!
and as much as i tried to fight getting up... i knew i needed to, to get some better insight on all this.

I desire so much!, but yet he desires so much more.......of me!!
To trust God is a big thing to do... to give up thoughts, feelings, desires.... and lay them down completely and trust that REGARDLESS of outcomes.....he is still holding my hand.
We put our selves out on the line when we do this.... its scary, its hard, we want the world to re-assure us, to comfort us!
but how much more is there for us when God has our heart, our feelings....to mold and grow.

the bible talks a lot about the potter and us being clay.
if we are moldable in his hands... how much better will the outcome be in the end!
Something beautiful.

his timing is perfect
and his plans for us are to prosper
and not to harm.

just some stuff im chewing on at the moment!
as i try to learn to trust.