More like a movie this time

So. i guess there's this church down the end of my road. and its kinda nice in the day, but sometimes i walk past it at night.. and i want to leg it out of there as fast as i can. its a creeper.

God is still god wherever we choose to find him tho.
so in that, i choose not to run, ill walk and admire.
but maybe from the other side of the street.

give me grace.

growth.

im pulling at stray threads.
i cant find my parents! they live overseas but made a trip to some meetings in New Zealand and forgot to mention where they were going.
Im in a dilemma! one of the toughest times in the past few years.

IM SPIRITUALLY DISCONTENT. i know i know, spend more time with God. but its not even that.

When i was little i remember watching my mum iron clothes! random memory i know, but i cant control it. I would watch her and we'd sit and talk. She'd duck out from time to time and always never forget to tell me "dont touch the iron dave" at 5. pretty much anything with a "dont" in the sentence, pretty much always sparked intrigue. we all see where this is going, i touched the iron! burned my fingers pretty bad, and yeah my mum was there to take care of me.

Growing up the way i did i quickly learned and was drilled into my head (in love) was God always has an answer, seek him for it. Until now, it seems every move ive made, every step ive taken ive done with direction and guidance from God. Which is amazing to know every step ive taken is for a reason. even if i cant see it.

in that, What good is it to always be a child! never mature, never learn. To always have someone direct your ways! now this could be confrontational to some, its not my heart! but id love to hear what you think.
Right now, i think im learning! God never wanted to control me. Never wanted me to stay young in my walk with him.

I was told by someone here this morning, God wants us in a place at times where we make our own decisions, to know his character, his ways, his love.. and align ourselves with that. In our own walks, our own choices, and take ownership of it.

It scares me. i will never stand in a place not willing to move out of fear of what might happen. ive promised this to God, and i know as i do it, I know his faithfulness wont let me fall

So in the space of one morning, i feel changed. Theres a burning in my chest, a passion in my heart.

as far as me being Discontent. if it takes me being discontent for me to realize it and move into a place where i know im walking in the fullness of what God has, and somehow in some way, bringing his fame. Then, maybe i want to be discontent more often.

it happened again.

the flag dancer at church.
ive seen her more than once now. the first time i laughed.
i know you have too!
she dances at the back for the most part. she hit me once, i didn't know how to react.

the figure eight, the forward lunge and pullback, and my favorite the triple spin to figure eight. im sure its hard to do.

the more i see her, the more im intrigued. i look at the different designs on my way into church. Their all stacked up the back near the sound desk.
she has a special holder for them.

its unique. i dont know if id have the guts to do it, maybe when the service is over ill ask her about it.

she's not ashamed!

my heart skipped, she's not putting on a show. Not entertaining the kids up the back, even tho im sure they get a kick out of it from time to time.

King david danced naked thru the streets of his own kingdom and all he was worried about was what God thought of him.

i want to be a flag dancer.
to make a fool of myself in the eyes of the world so i can say, im pure and blameless in the eyes of my creator.

she is beautiful.
and tho i might not yield a flag. my spirit is dancing.

-for all the flag dancers.... dance away.

chase me.

i was sitting in an airport last month about to go visit my family for a couple of weeks, which in my head is never enough! until you get there and want to leg it, because the benefits of independence quickly go down the toilet whenever they're around.
No, family is an amazing thing. if not the greatest thing God's ever created. The result of love it self, in every way shape and form.

it had crossed my mind, "how are they feeling right now?" and that thought made me squirm a little. Like the times you'd meet up with your ridiculously cute 5th grade girlfriend in the playground, you'd see her across the field and inside you were going insane, but the cool face held it together.
how do my family feel when they arrive to pick me up off the plane? i know i secretly put on a facade to try and show im cool and collected, But im 23 and im next to running up the air-bridge. This doesn't shock me tho. id had my belt off the moment the we had landed, just incase the larger woman beside me decided to have a power nap as the plane was banking around the runway, and id have a chance to maneuver my way over the back of her chair then into the row behind me so i could get off quicker.

an eager spirit is what is talked about in the bible time and time again! and something, im terrible at!
After id made it off the plane and safely into the arms of my Dad, my best friend (yes i hug my dad) i thought about this.
What if, just maybe... we all had this passion? To do absolutely anything to see God. If our hearts were this eager to pursue his embrace.

would we see the world change?

im a missionary kid, and time and time again when i was growing up.. id see outreach teams and people not much older than myself radiating with something that i couldn't explain. There was a time it was so constantly around me and i had to ask my mum what it was.
it was the spirit of God, overflowing thru people that were so set on pursuing their father. And the result of that was something, that to this day i cant describe, But i want it... more and more i want it.

Chase it. Saturate yourself in it. pursue it.

compassion.

Stuff i've been working on inspired me to maybe have a little more of it.........

.agape.

love is... and will always remain.

kinda cool.

in the end....

what is a life without love, without falling, without trusting

what is a life that we sit and get comfortable when the world tells us something is to wild, to crazy, to risky.
who are we that we hold back because we are scared of getting hurt, of losing out and in doing so, possibly letting slip the best thing, or the best time of our lives.

in wisdom we step out, in fear we sit down
Oh God who are we, that we dont believe, dont trust and fail you every single day.
that we dont talk to the drunk guy on the street corner.
that we sit on our couch complaining that we need a change.

Give us courage.
give us hope
give us hearts and feet to run against the grain.
with you by our side.