Stuff i've been working on inspired me to maybe have a little more of it.........
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
in the end....
what is a life without love, without falling, without trusting
what is a life that we sit and get comfortable when the world tells us something is to wild, to crazy, to risky.
who are we that we hold back because we are scared of getting hurt, of losing out and in doing so, possibly letting slip the best thing, or the best time of our lives.
in wisdom we step out, in fear we sit down
Oh God who are we, that we dont believe, dont trust and fail you every single day.
that we dont talk to the drunk guy on the street corner.
that we sit on our couch complaining that we need a change.
Give us courage.
give us hope
give us hearts and feet to run against the grain.
with you by our side.
what is a life that we sit and get comfortable when the world tells us something is to wild, to crazy, to risky.
who are we that we hold back because we are scared of getting hurt, of losing out and in doing so, possibly letting slip the best thing, or the best time of our lives.
in wisdom we step out, in fear we sit down
Oh God who are we, that we dont believe, dont trust and fail you every single day.
that we dont talk to the drunk guy on the street corner.
that we sit on our couch complaining that we need a change.
Give us courage.
give us hope
give us hearts and feet to run against the grain.
with you by our side.
oh boy
So life has gone on and taken its toll. Ive made my mistakes, some bigger than others... But God sees and knows my heart right!
really... ive probably had the hardest week in a really long time, with being away from family, trying to keep or even find vision, watching as my mistakes catch up to me.... ive cried, been beyond frustrated and cried some more.
yeah.. im just a stupid kid sometimes!
in everything thats going on, God has proved himself solid once again!
But that doesn't make me come under attack any less! but it does make me fight against it harder.
Just like Job, in the end whatever happens.. My heart will still worship my father.
in the hard times there is still Joy, knowing that God is with me. and doesn't give me more than i can deal with. and he still has a plan and a purpose.
i choose to hold on to faith
really... ive probably had the hardest week in a really long time, with being away from family, trying to keep or even find vision, watching as my mistakes catch up to me.... ive cried, been beyond frustrated and cried some more.
yeah.. im just a stupid kid sometimes!
in everything thats going on, God has proved himself solid once again!
But that doesn't make me come under attack any less! but it does make me fight against it harder.
Just like Job, in the end whatever happens.. My heart will still worship my father.
in the hard times there is still Joy, knowing that God is with me. and doesn't give me more than i can deal with. and he still has a plan and a purpose.
i choose to hold on to faith
Monday, September 22, 2008
How do you not get sick of me?
so im sitting here in class catching up on emails and getting back to people.....
it seems to be such a constant thing that im soooo bad at doing.
it feels like forever since ive written people on how im doing when really its been like a few weeks.
why does life just seem to contain so much, yet take so much as well?
i feel like im always in the middle of something! that there always is someplace where i feel that i need to voice something..... don't get me wrong tho, i love being able to share out of experience or what i feel God telling me to say!
I was out walking the other morning again and i knew i had a worship session in like an hour... but i was so run down!
i felt like id poured out so much yet didn't really have anything left for myself. I started just crying out to God cause i had no one else to share this with...... i was secretly hoping that he would put on someones heart to come and share with me or encourage me or something in the worship session! but God doesn't always work the way i want him to.... he likes to challenge us, stretch our faith, blow us out of the water in a new way when we least expect it, or want it... we want things simple and "now"
during worship i quickly realized "what the heck am i thinking" why did i suddenly feel the need for others to fulfill me when really, how much more encouragement and fulfillment can God give me! i started to read the bible and the words came to life and i was immediately oblivious to everything around me, nothing else in the world mattered right now. God knew my heart, the way i felt, the things i was going thru and oh how i felt so stupid for entertaining thoughts like this. Kind of like that feeling like, when you really like a girl and you say something so stupid that you think she will just write you off because of!
girls, do you get those feelings too? i doubt it, you are all too perfect... i mean it, really.
Oh God im grateful that you are patient, cause i am not!
i want to learn.
it seems to be such a constant thing that im soooo bad at doing.
it feels like forever since ive written people on how im doing when really its been like a few weeks.
why does life just seem to contain so much, yet take so much as well?
i feel like im always in the middle of something! that there always is someplace where i feel that i need to voice something..... don't get me wrong tho, i love being able to share out of experience or what i feel God telling me to say!
I was out walking the other morning again and i knew i had a worship session in like an hour... but i was so run down!
i felt like id poured out so much yet didn't really have anything left for myself. I started just crying out to God cause i had no one else to share this with...... i was secretly hoping that he would put on someones heart to come and share with me or encourage me or something in the worship session! but God doesn't always work the way i want him to.... he likes to challenge us, stretch our faith, blow us out of the water in a new way when we least expect it, or want it... we want things simple and "now"
during worship i quickly realized "what the heck am i thinking" why did i suddenly feel the need for others to fulfill me when really, how much more encouragement and fulfillment can God give me! i started to read the bible and the words came to life and i was immediately oblivious to everything around me, nothing else in the world mattered right now. God knew my heart, the way i felt, the things i was going thru and oh how i felt so stupid for entertaining thoughts like this. Kind of like that feeling like, when you really like a girl and you say something so stupid that you think she will just write you off because of!
girls, do you get those feelings too? i doubt it, you are all too perfect... i mean it, really.
Oh God im grateful that you are patient, cause i am not!
i want to learn.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Starbucks!
umm so... im procrastinating to no end on a bunch of work i have to get done, sipping at my so highly valued cup of starbucks!
you see there is no means of getting starbucks here unless i somehow am given it, which is pretty regularly cause there are so many Americans around me, so im thankful.
im in such a need of coffee today cause, honestly i slept really bad last night.
I woke up no less than 4 or 5 times with my heart racing and my mind running with thoughts and excitement of just what God is doing in my life.
it was probably the weirdest thing thats happened this year to me, every time i woke up God was stirring my heart for so many things. My heart to worship and what God is wanting to do with it, my heart for the kids that i seem to hang out with every day that are constantly up and down with just their whole life, and just dont seem to ever change.
So much stuff........... even to getting a random passion to see Kids and the church just get rid of porn and lust and all the crap thats around today.
it is all so strange! i mean yeah its stinking cool that God is finally showing me so much stuff... or should i say im finally at a place to listen! but i wonder why he woke me up to say it.... would i have listened if he didnt! I kind of want him to do it again.... just to see if it was real!
but now what to do with it.........?
you see there is no means of getting starbucks here unless i somehow am given it, which is pretty regularly cause there are so many Americans around me, so im thankful.
im in such a need of coffee today cause, honestly i slept really bad last night.
I woke up no less than 4 or 5 times with my heart racing and my mind running with thoughts and excitement of just what God is doing in my life.
it was probably the weirdest thing thats happened this year to me, every time i woke up God was stirring my heart for so many things. My heart to worship and what God is wanting to do with it, my heart for the kids that i seem to hang out with every day that are constantly up and down with just their whole life, and just dont seem to ever change.
So much stuff........... even to getting a random passion to see Kids and the church just get rid of porn and lust and all the crap thats around today.
it is all so strange! i mean yeah its stinking cool that God is finally showing me so much stuff... or should i say im finally at a place to listen! but i wonder why he woke me up to say it.... would i have listened if he didnt! I kind of want him to do it again.... just to see if it was real!
but now what to do with it.........?
Sunday, September 14, 2008
the great fires
Am i really burning?
i want to ignite fires, fuel flames and ruin lives for the ordinary.
i want to see this generation become a driving force that inspires and fuels Gods spirit to move like none other. I have heard, in the last couple of weeks countless times about some movement back in the 60s or 70s that radically changed the church and christians.. thats sweet. But what the heck!! why do we sit in the headspace that that was back in "the good ole days" im sick of hearing this to be honest.
why dont we start some fires again! i mean for real.... ones that are talked about for years to come ones that change this world, that change our lives!!
this burning desire is making me nervous, making me shaky....
who's with me?
i want to ignite fires, fuel flames and ruin lives for the ordinary.
i want to see this generation become a driving force that inspires and fuels Gods spirit to move like none other. I have heard, in the last couple of weeks countless times about some movement back in the 60s or 70s that radically changed the church and christians.. thats sweet. But what the heck!! why do we sit in the headspace that that was back in "the good ole days" im sick of hearing this to be honest.
why dont we start some fires again! i mean for real.... ones that are talked about for years to come ones that change this world, that change our lives!!
this burning desire is making me nervous, making me shaky....
who's with me?
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